Loving even when life is boring

Dearest Friends -
After get past my 1 year anniversary and a wonderful cruise this week has felt like a downer. I worked so hard to get through February, preparing and doing the scan and then to have a wonderful cruise - now I feel a little lost.

Which leads me to another form of loving me. I have been thinking about this all week - how we give space and time to ourselves, or to me, to love ourselves/me. After all the work over the last month and year it feels time to put things down. Having gotten past a big milestone and made personal progress in life, I am now feeling I am on the other side of it. It feels like this milestone was more subtle especially psychically. Now I have a year to the next scan - so cancer is pushing my life as it has - so what pushes it now?

So this leads me to loving me - as much as I love to push myself, I also need to know when to rest and let things be quiet for a while - allowing time, space, even silence to create the window where the new energy will come. Maybe this is a time to just enjoy life - and then I hit a stubbling block - life all of a sudden seems so dull - how to enjoy dull? or work that seems - honestly - boring?

I keep trying to come back to what I am doing to love myself through this time. First - keeping positive - do positive things - in other words, don't let myself get down by this situation. Now - keep focused on the projects I am working on - Red Tent Temple and Vagina Monologues. Keep reaching out to friends and planning to do things with them. Being creative - poems - photography - starting to working on my paintings or hand died silk. There is one more element - the spiritual - doing my daily meditation - giving time and space to silence - doing personal rituals of care - like nice baths and naps - aromatherapy. Loving myself isn't just about doing but it is also about being - to be in a loving place within me - to keep telling myself "I love me" - forgiving myself, trying to re"talk" negative thoughts. Keeping true to myself - even if it goes against the grain of convention.

I guess I need to reaffirm these things to myself - remind myself of my postitive direction - no matter how subtle - to get me through some of the more quieter or boring days of this time right now.