without getting upset. On some level I think I still haven't wrapped my brain around all that is going in and its ramifications. I try to keep very much to the moment.
That said I did have a great conversation with one of my parents friends, a wonderful women who beat breast cancer. It was a relief to talk with her because she understood exactly what I was going through.
We were taking about how at about this point in life 40 and particulary 50 somethings are faced with some health challenge and no one - older and maybe wiser has talked to them about this turning point in life. Well, I am facing it now and she understood where I was at. One challenge of this apart of life is facing one's own mortality. Yes, I am in some way facing my own mortality. I am not fixated on death, but I realized early on that I had the choice of how to live my life - and I choose to live it in the moment - the hear and now - to make it count and to share what love and affection I can.
Another thing I realized in choosing to live in the now what that petty crap is just that - crap - and its worth the energy to fuss over it. There will battles enough to fight later which will be more important to my life - the petty misunderstandings and illusion of serious drama is just a waste of energy.
Another challenge is keeping your life and soul alive - that this tumor isn't going to take over my life - I will get through this and live on past this experience - that this isn't just wishful thinking but a real conviction that I will see this through and beat this tumor and it will make me stronger in spirit, if not also in mind and body.
Sorry if I jump around a little - this is very much vaguely organized stream of consciousness.
More thoughts later.
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