A friend said to me yesterday "It is good to see the old Carolyn back" - I want to say No - the old Carolyn is gone - I know it in my bones. I have not come through cancer unchanged. Some said to me it is like a rebirth - yes it is - but like none ever taught by any religious teaching I know. Such traditions can only use inadequate language to describe so profound, even subtle a change - it really is hard to put into words. Even the poet in me finds it very hard to tease out words - maybe that is a good challenge for me to take up.
I am also find one of the key changes is the gratitude that fills my heart and spills out in tears. You know me, I cry - it a one of my ways of processing things emotionally - a way of moving through my psychic system - it is the way I am. Lately I find that I am so very grateful for all kinds of things - breathing - cats - flowers - moonlight - but most especially friends and family that have help me through this. This graditude is overflowing right now. I also feel like there will come a point where I will need to pay that graditude forward - to find a way to help others or to reach out or share my gratitude.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment