Family - especially brothers

Where to begin. Well, most would say at the beginning, so here goes.

I am the last of five children, the caboose and nine years behind the next one up. My oldest sibling is 17 years older than I. So, needless to say there is a gap in our ages. As a result I grew up basically an only child. While this afforded me the opportunity to grow up with my parents attention to art, music and history, on the flip side it meant that I didn't know my sibling well - almost not at all. I have worked on having better friendships with my two sister, for for that I am deeply grateful and am finding they are there when I need them when I need to cry or just talk. I am now blessed to have two older sisters that I feel very connected to and that the love flows both ways.

But my brothers, they are an enigma to me, both of them.

Here is my basic issue: that I know all my siblings by their histories, what they have done, who the have married, what work they do, but I don't know them as people.

Now, back to my brothers. My one brother has been amazing, coming to appointments with the surgeon and offering to help out and be there when ever I need him. For is calm cool collected male logical mind this has been good for me since I tend to me the emotional meltdown kind of person (though I know I have the strength not be that way). But he is still an enigma to me.

Now, I have seen this journey I am on now as a chance to rebuild or rekindle the relationships with my siblings and to deepen them. But I just don't know how to reach out to my brothers - I feel stuck. I love them both, but I just don't know what to do - especially when I am facing this scary situation. I find I want to really gather my family around me so I can know that I am cared for and loved as much as I do for them. But how to connect this when this is so emotional for me? Do I tell them how much I need them? But also realizing that they may not be able to give me what I need. Maybe there is nothing to do until the way becomes clear to me....