So much gratitude I feel I could burst

First let me get mundane things out of the way like I did my first excercise walk during work today and I am back at work for the second week and feeling pretty good. The energy seems to be doing okay. Now if I can just case away that nasty nightmare that ruined my sleep last night - then things would really be in the pink.

It seems that spring and gratitude go hand in hand for me right now. I know I keep talking about this but it seems important to me - gratitude and not taking anything for granted. I feel sometimes like a new fresh being who isn't sure how things work or in which direction to go. Each day the day is fresh, it is good to draw breath and feel the sunshine. I spent this weekend with family, which was so important to me. I was so happy to see everyone, especially since, for some of them, it was the first time since the surgery since we have been together. It was hard for me not to turn every hug into a should I could cry on - that is how glad I was to be with everyone. We celebrated my mom's 87th birthday and old family friends joined us for the celebration. It is hard for me not to cry while writing this, touching all the gratitude I feel inside. I feel like I am bursting out like spring - just all over the place. I guess all of this comes from a time not to long ago when I wasn't sure I was loved - when I felt so angry about all the deep hurts and disappointments I had suffered in recent years - my brain and emotions are still having a hard time taking this in and believing it is real.

I don't want to lose the gratitude, so I feel I have to share it somehow. It like my heart has been opened back up and now I don't want it to close again but to try and encourage it to open more. I take one of those deep breathes I am so grateful for and pray that path will become clear and universe will hear me and opportunities and support will come along to help me out. Now, I know saying that sounds very pie-in-the-sky-ish so my practical side knows it needs to do the work to reach and create that support like I did to get through this journey with cancer. But right now I feel like I am at the beginning of something that I only have a glimmer of what it is.