from Amazon to basket case

It has been another crazy and difficult set of days. It feels like I am in the middle of a vortex. Things just don't go simply. It is just a roller coaster - from sweet serenity to dashed hopes to feeling like an Amazon at the surgeon today and now I don't know where I am at and I can't sleep. At least there is now a tentative surgery date - and it seems have I have traded one set of fears for another and other charge back in as well - I guess the two concerns right now or taking care of the kidney issues first and then how will all the surgery recovery will work out - time in hospital, recovery - when I can get back to work - it is all still very vague - which I wish it was not. After doing so well at the surgeon's I feel lost - these seems to get harder as it goes on - it feels hard to take the next step right now - even though that step is calling the urologist to get the next kidney procedure underway. Right now it feels very overwhelming.