Happy Friday

Well, I will confess the depression blue blobs got to me over the last few days - I mean really got me. I was home from work yesterday because my gut just ached. So why the turn around. Well, yes I know you have said it to me and I have said it too - excercise! Yesterday wasn't too bad for it. It really does get the breath going and gets the blue blob energy out.

The other thing was dinner I had with a friend. Doing this with any of my friends always leaves my spirit uplifted, bright and happier. But last night's dinner was special. Reminded me to give myself space and time - she gave me permission to feel all the hurt and anger and to try not to push through it faster than I can. She suggested I cast circle to hold my emotions and then give myself the space to talk and yell and cry to the Goddess. But this also help me claim the permission to let me process all of this over a longer period of time - like 6 months to a year. I don't have to solve it all NOW! A similar thing happened to me and my dear minister said to me "take a year to really grieve. Do what you have to to nash your teeth, yell and scream, weep and moan - give your time to get it out. If after a year you haven't begun to move on - then there is something that needs to addressed" Bless her for saying that to me, I felt I could breathe and take my time. Well, that is what I am going to again now - really take the time to let it out.

As a result of claiming this letting go and not holding on to the pain and giving myself permission of time I feel much calmer and not so depressed. I know I said it before that I would let this take what time it needs, but as I was saying it I was also pushing myself to get through it - to get passed the pain, hurt, anger and lessons. I am finding I have to claim things I stages - little steps along the way. I was pushing because I just wanted the emotional pain to go away. Now that I am not pushing myself, the pain isn't as bad. I will try casting a circle for crying and dealing with some of these emotions, I will go to the psychiatrist, and my therapist and my support group because they are additional contained space where I can process things.