Okay - so the endoscopy found what it was looking for - but it seems it has found other things as well. Duodenitis. I have already looked it up - not that it helped much. So it is another thing to talk to the gastroenterologist about. But that isn't my point right now. My point is finding something else wrong with me. I am sorry not be uplifting tonight. While this doesn't feel like a big blow - it is very disappointing to keep finding things wrong. I feel like with every test or xray or doctor visit something else will be found wrong. The disappointment is that it feels like my body is failing me in little ways. And right now that is a little hard for me to take. I think "so what is next - what next will they find that is wrong"
So my brain is thinking this - but in the same though - or right after it - I say to myself "look at the positive" - even just that makes me feel better - I choose to look at the positive. That I can walk - that I exercise - that I have have a curious mind and read and look to learn new things - that I keep busy and stay connected to friends and family. The positive is about doing things that make me happy - even small things like watching xmas lights and listening to music. Part of this process is being in the moment - but it is also choosing - choosing the positive - to think PINK and Lady Stardust - and Earth Grandmother - and this positive is like a fight response for me (for you must understand that most of my life I have lived with the glass half empty - where as now I choose to look at life's glass as half full).
So there you have it - from "heavens - what next" to "I choose the positive"
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